Hatred is not settled by hate
Today, notice one grudge as it replays, and see whether you can set it down.
- Read · about 2 minutes
“They abused me, they hit me!They beat me, they robbed me!”For those who bear such a grudge,hatred is never laid to rest.…For those who bear no such grudge,hatred is laid to rest.…For never is hatredlaid to rest by hate,it’s laid to rest by love:this is an ancient teaching.Dhammapada 3–5 · chapter 1, “Pairs” · tr. Bhikkhu Sujato (CC0)
From the text
The verses quote someone saying they were abused, hit, beaten, and robbed, and say that for those who bear such a grudge hatred is never laid to rest, while for those who bear no such grudge it is. They add that hatred is never laid to rest by hate but by love, and call this an ancient teaching.
In everyday life
The first two lines are a script most of us know by heart. Someone did something to me, and the mind plays it again. The verses do not say the wrong never happened. They say something narrower and more useful: while the script keeps running, the hatred keeps running with it. What settles it is not a better argument or a bigger retaliation, but love, which you can read here as goodwill, the wish for the other person not to suffer. That can feel impossible when the hurt is fresh, and the verse does not ask you to pretend. One way to take it is as an invitation to notice which direction you are feeding. Today's sit is about arriving and letting the body settle. If a replay starts, that is useful. Watch it, feel what it does to your chest and jaw, and then see whether you can put it down for the length of a breath.
- Sit · 3, 5 or 10 minutes
Arriving and Settling
Sit upright on a chair or cushion, hands resting in your lap. Read each cue as it appears; between cues you may close your eyes or lower your gaze.
- Live · during your day
When an old grievance replays today, notice it, and before you go back to what you were doing, try a single sentence of goodwill toward the person, even a reluctant one.
- Reflect · this evening
What happened in your body when a grudge replayed today, and what changed, if anything, when you tried to set it down?
Answer on paper, or in the app’s journal, which stays on your iPhone.